my new best friend
so far, i'm just going 13 weeks, but i'm starting to wear out my closet.
i don't know about my panglabas clothes, since i'm still under house arrest, but i can't fit into some of my pangbahay clothes anymore. i only have 3 serviceable jogging pants, and 1 pair of shorts that aren't too tight around the belly.
so today, i did the unthinkable. i raided the hubby's closet for boxer shorts that i can wear. at least they're comfier, and don't make garter lines around my slowly-expanding belly.
so it's true after all what my pregnancy book says ... that a pregnant woman's best friend is her husband's closet. :)
gender issues
i saw a really interesting episode on oprah this afternoon. i don't know if it's an old episode or a new one, since i'm not a regular oprah viewer, but it certainly struck a chord somewhere in me. the topic was about transgender kids, or kids who realize early on that they are born into the wrong bodies.
the show featured pubescent keila, who binds her breasts everyday and has an injection every month to stop her period because she believes that she's a boy. she is now called caden, and sports a boy's haircut. then there's 9-year old hal, who tried to commit suicide at age 6 because he didn't want to be a girl (hallie) anymore. his parents finally decided to allow their little girl to become a boy. there's 5 year old dylan, who, young as he is, knows that he is a girl trapped in a boy's body. and finally there's elizabeth, a gender transplant who was named lee in her former life. the show talked about the kids' struggles, as well as their parents difficulties in accepting the "condition" of their child. what really amazed me tho, is how open the kids are about how they felt with their parents, and the parents' willingness to accept the changes in their kids. oh of course there's the father who couldn't accept that his son liked to play with barbie more than play football, but he eventually realized what was best for his son in the end.
it also made me think hard about the kids i'll be having.
everytime someone would ask me what i'd like my baby to be, if i want a boy or a girl, i'd say as long as my baby comes out healthy and normal, i'd be more than happy with that. sometimes i'd jokingly ask the husband what he'd do if our baby turns out to be gay, and he'd reply that he'll send the baby back to my womb to get its gender right.
but what if that actually happens? what if 5 or 10 years down the line, my son would tell me that he wants to be share my clothes and my make-up, or my daughter would insist on going to the little boy's room because she's really a boy trapped in a girl's body? how would i handle that?
coming from a devout christian family, and chinese at that, being gay is not really accepted in our culture. it's generally considered a sin (since the Bible says God created only two sexes) that should be prayed over and prayed about until the phase wears off. people should just be male or female, and not in between. churches that have so far accepted gays and lesbians, like the episcopalian church in the US which anointed a gay bishop, are not only frowned upon, but heavily criticized.
it is all too easy to judge and say something is right or wrong, but what if it happens to my own kid? would i allow him/her to be gay/lesbian if that's what my kid wants? i don't know. i don't have anything against gays or lesbians. in fact, i've a lot of bading friends and i find them to be really fun to be with they're very creative and are amazing persons who make great and true friends. but i guess it would be a case of my maternal instinct battling with my christian upbringing. as a mother, i'd want my kid to grow up to be who he/she wants to be, to live life to the fullest and achieve whatever dreams he/she has. as a mother i'd want to accept my kid no matter what and who he/she is. but my christian upbringing tells me that being a member of the third sex is wrong, that wanting to be the opposite sex is not glorifying to God at all.
i suppose at the end of the day, i'd just have to pray real hard that God preserves and protects my baby, that my baby comes out strong, healthy and normal in His eyes. after all, it's what's inside that counts and what He sees in our hearts.
life in the province
ever since i retired from active journalism more than a year ago, i haven't written a single political or economic or socially-relevant piece. the few blog entries i've written are merely ramblings and musings of a bored stay-at-home wife and homemaker. nothing interesting worth reading really, so much so that i myself got bored writing those ramblings after a while. after a while, i just stopped writing altogether.
it isn't that politics isn't interesting. on the contrary, it is very very interesting, so much so that a lot of people i know (or rather, used to know) talk about it day and night. controversies popping up left and right regarding wiretapped conversations, witnesses for hire, impeachment proceeding, chacha, con-con, con-ass, jueteng briberies, constantly rising oil and crude prices and the endless rallies are enough to keep one occupied for days and days.
but one thing living in the province has taught me is that not everything revolves around politics, or rather, on things metro manilans think are important. i've heard it said time and again that metro manila is not the philippines, but i just realized that when i quit my job and relocated to iloilo. it's just so peaceful here, with none of the tension and stress of the metropolis. oh of course there are a few rallies here and there by local chapters of militant groups, but on the whole things are quite. it's like we live in an entirely different country. a coup can happen in manila but for people in the provinces, life goes on. sabi nga ng mga tao dito, nagugulat na lang sila kasi iba na pala ang pangulong nakaupo sa malacanang.
i know i've complained time and again that life is boring here, but at the same time, it's quite nice to live life as an ordinary citizen. sometimes it's more blissful living in ignorance of all the sh--ty things the government and government officials are capable of doing.
Another Life
i just came from my ob yesterday for my monthly check-up. yes dears, m finally pregnant again, 11 weeks now to be exact. :) it was just amazing hearing my baby's heartbeat, proof that i really have another life growing inside me. (i actually heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time last month during the ultra-sound, but i guess it failed to register since i was simply too happy with the fact that i was actually pregnant.) anyway, my ob says things are going well so far, except that i still have to be on bed rest (more like house arrest since i seem to do a lot of walking inside the house) for the next few weeks until m totally in the clear.
it's really been hard keeping this pregnancy thing to a selected people for the past 5 weeks when all i've wanted to do was shout to the world that m finally pregnant again. see, i was spotting the first few weeks of my pregnancy. since i had already miscarried my first baby, i didn't think it was prudent to make an announcement at such an early stage. after all, it's kinda traumatic having to explain to people how come you're not pregnant anymore.
but now that i haven't been spotting for almost 2 weeks now, and now that my check-ups are more positive, i feel more confident about my news. the downside is, along with pregnancy comes all those horror stories like symptoms and pregnancy food and stuff. but that's another story altogether. :)
